Last year, we'd just delivered a client’s new employee welcome kits. Premium stuff (custom notebooks, a beautifully embroidered hoodie, a few thoughtfully curated items that told their company's story). Nothing generic. Nothing that screamed "we ordered 500 of these from a catalog."
A few weeks later, she called.
"Brett, I have to tell you something."
I braced myself. In this business, unexpected calls usually mean something went wrong. A shipment delayed. A logo printed crooked. The wrong shade of blue.
But she was laughing.
"My kids stole the stickers."
She explained: Her six-year-old had raided the welcome kit she'd brought home to review. The stickers with their playful mascot were now plastered across her daughter's notebook, her son's water bottle, and apparently the family dog's crate.
"I can't even be mad," she said. "They think my company is cool now."
I've thought about that call a lot since then.
The Spreadsheet Problem
We've been trained to justify every branded merch purchase with metrics.
Impressions. Cost-per-touch. Redemption rates. Conversion attribution.
I'm not anti-data. Numbers matter. If you're spending $50,000 on a client gifting program, you should absolutely track whether it's moving the needle on retention or referrals.
But some of the most valuable outcomes from thoughtful merch don't fit neatly into a dashboard.
How do you quantify when a potential client spots your custom jacket on a Zoom call and asks, "Hey, that's cool. Where'd you get it?"
That's not an impression. That's a conversation. A warm introduction to your brand that no ad could buy.
Or when an employee wears their company hoodie to the grocery store. Not because they have to. Because they actually want to. Because they're proud.
That's not a metric. That's culture made visible.
The Sticker Test
I've started calling it "The Sticker Test."
If a six-year-old would steal it, you've made something worth making.
It sounds ridiculous. But remember that kids don't care about your brand guidelines. They don't know your mission statement. They have zero interest in your Q3 objectives.
They just know if something is cool.
The problem is that most branded merchandise fails The Sticker Test spectacularly. It's forgettable. Generic. The kind of stuff that goes straight into a drawer or, worse, the trash.
But when you create something with genuine craft and intention? Something that tells a story? Something that feels special?
People notice. They keep it. They use it. They talk about it.
And sometimes, their kids steal it.
The Zoom Call Moment
Imagine this…You're on a video call with a prospect. Standard discovery meeting. They're half-paying attention, scrolling through emails while you talk.
Then they notice the custom leather notebook on your desk. Or the embroidered cap hanging on your chair. Or the laser engraved tumbler you're drinking from.
"Wait. What's that?"
Suddenly, you're not just another vendor pitch. You're interesting. You have taste. You care about details.
That tiny interruption in their distraction is worth more than a thousand LinkedIn impressions.
But try putting it in a quarterly report.
The Pride Factor
After many years in this business, I’ve learner that the best branded merchandise doesn't just represent your company. It makes people proud to be associated with it.
There's a massive difference between:
- "Here's a free t-shirt" (obligation)
- "I actually love this shirt" (pride)
The first is a transaction. The second is an emotional connection.
And emotional connections compound.
An employee who's proud of their company hoodie becomes an ambassador. They wear it to the coffee shop. They wear it to pick up their kids. They wear it on vacation.
Every time, they're telling a story about your brand without saying a word.
What Actually Counts
Someone told me that Einstein supposedly said, "Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts." (Whether he actually said it…I have no clue. But it’s great point.)
In branded merchandise, we've gotten obsessed with counting the wrong things.
We count units shipped. We count cost-per-item. We count how many people grabbed something from the trade show booth.
But we don't count:
- The conversation sparked by quality merch
- The pride an employee feels wearing something they actually chose to wear
- The moment a prospect notices your attention to detail
- The kid who thinks their parent's company is cool
These moments don't show up in spreadsheets. But they're gold for your brand.
The Takeaway
The most valuable ROI from branded merch is often invisible to analytics.
A genuine conversation. A surge of pride. A six-year-old's seal of approval.
Metrics can’t capture what these moments actually build. The real emotional connection to your brand.
The question isn't just "What's the cost-per-impression?"
It's "What story are we telling?"
Your turn: Do you have any anecdotal "wins" from merch that you'd count as a success, even if you can't measure it? I'd love to hear your story. Hit reply or drop a comment. The best ones might make it into a future post.
